Sometimes, life imposes itself upon us.
And, we don't like to be imposed upon; preferring existence on our terms — our predictabilities, sense of control, illusions of independence.
And yet, we are latently aware that our terms often end up insufficient in many ways, especially to the extent that they lead us towards a pre-occupation with ourselves, our own interests. And that is not the true nature of things, of life, or existence.
We are not actually independent of much of anything, despite our desire to be so. We are deeply inter-connected to nearly everything. And this is by design.
And for all our working theories about whether or not life should have a say in our experience, it simply does. We don't get to define normal; life does.
And sometimes that includes dramatic, even painful disruption.
And, yet, what can't be dismissed either is that life also imposes nearly an infinite amount of…grace.
Our challenge seems to be when we feel caught more in former. But, inevitably, there are features of God's design in all things that seems to relish the opportunity to be gracious, sometimes even in the most difficult of times.
In two days, our son Conner is going home after an uninvited and extended stay in a rehab hospital following his brain surgery nearly a month ago to remove a previously undetected tumor. He has had, what felt like, some of the darkest days of his life. It was agonizing, both for him and for us to watch. We prayed for help. We begged for relief. We pleaded for healing. We prayed a lot...for him in this moment and for his future yet ahead.
And, as this next step for him unfolds, we are now almost rhythmicly praying for his continued recovery, restoration, and prosperity. Five weeks after his originating seizures, he still has a ways to go to return to full function and out-patient therapies will continue for weeks, if not months. But, even with full awareness of that, we are also thankful that he is...alive (turns out, that was not a given by the time he arrived in the ER back on December 20). We are thankful for the function that has returned to his body and for his gratitude for the way that so many have surrounded him during this impossible time. He pecked out this TXT message yesterday — "In hardship comes incredible love and absolute abundance of good". ...I am stunned by his recognition of what has happened, not that I didn't expect him to be capable of it, but by the power of the beauty of his spirit towards all those who have loved him through this.
Tami and I have felt surrounded by what feels like a whole series of concentric circles of care that have not only enveloped us, but also him and his wife, Gina. We are so grateful that we could just be one of those circles.
I would call all of those circles God, whose Spirit lives so tangibly with each one of us. Sometimes it takes the hour of our greatest need to not only recognize it, but to more fully know it.
The road ahead still will not be easy. But, we are celebrating the milestones along the way in hopes that they will add up for him and all of us to be where we need and want to be.
Life imposes itself on us, not like some alien creature (though it has certainly felt like that, too), but simply because we are a part of it — the bad...and the good, together.
UPDATE: Just got word that Conner is being released a day earlier than expected from the rehab hospital — tomorrow!
