Perhaps it's time to for me...to remember the original goals of my 'Saturday Morning' efforts. ...which were largely to create some space in my life to reflect on...it. My life. The pace of things, life's seemingly endless demands, the multi-variate (is that a word?) directions of it...all seem to point to something that has increasingly become more reactionary, than planned. I'm not saying that is all bad. In fact, for me, I discovered many good things about it. My 'planned' life preferences aren't all bad either, but they do seem to introduce more possibility that I live 'outside the moment at hand'. And, there are many benefits to acknowledging and living 'in' the moments of life as they cascade upon us (me, anyway. You?).
But there is also a sense of 'go with the flow' that I continue to find leads me away from things I value, things I need...as I constantly end up seeking to satisfy the moment. I lose track of something along the way, and often it is the process, the destination. I become engrossed in meeting other's expectations and lose track of who I am...largely becoming defined by something external, rather than something internal. I lose track of my identity. More significantly, I notice a parallel track of these rails that leads me to lose track of God. He doesn't really go anywhere, but I seem to. I end up relying more and more on my own efforts, which leads me toward stress and towards a demand from others to 'cooperate' with my efforts. Something 'not good' happens on these paths. And, the noise of perpetual motion seems to contribute to it. I need to make time to stop. I need a few moments on Saturday morning each week to do so.
This is why, at least in part, I renamed my journaling (blogging) to 'Saturday Mornings', a time to stop each week and reflect on what is going on, what is guiding me, who I am leaning on. Re-connecting to God in my life, while ceasing - at least for a few moments - my striving. Oddly enough my computer screen, from which I write, has a quite glossy finish...which when I look at it less for the words being typed and more at its reflection, seems to show a somewhat shadowy image of my face...an image of me. When I look at, really looking at it, I see myself again and I am prompted to ask who I really am. Who do I see in this reflection? Is the me I see really who I want to be, or more of who I tend to become...an impersonal endless effort to 'keep up' in this world.
So, it's Saturday Morning and I'm catching back up with the real me...by slowing down enough to notice.
