I've been feeling disconnected lately.
Every time I feel disconnected and seek connection externally, it never seems to really work.
I am starting to know, really know, how disconnection is most often a result of something internal—that is happening or, perhaps more likely, not happening. To say it another way; it is rarely external, even if true realities exist there as well. It is endlessly easy to believe that a re-arrangement of external realities (i.e., something in people around me) will resolve my sense of disconnection.
The truth is, our deepest connection is internal; with who we are, and with the source of our identity. When internal connection happens or is maintained, external connection or disconnection is simply a bi-product of whatever else is going on—in my life or in the life of others around me. We, more often than not, cannot control those external realities. But, when we slip into believing that these external connections are more important (necessary) than the internal ones, we find ourselves on a road that leads nowhere.
In my experience, it has often taken a painful recognition, of one kind or another, to expose this kind of slide into disconnectedness. Though inconvenient, and sometimes frustratingly repetitive, I am thankful for the mechanism of this dynamic which reminds me about where to look for the source of life—where to seek and maintain connection.
