A day off work yesterday hardly seemed like rest. I had been wrestling internally most of the day trying to identify the root of something growing on and into me over the last few months. The word I would use to describe what I am feeling is...exhaustion. Exhaustion of an emotional kind.
Over the last few years, physical exhaustion has been a way of re-energizing me emotionally. But a sequence of things recently has left me unable to recover in either way.
New challenges at work, stretching in relationships, dealing with more adult matters of the heart with my kids; all have climbed up over me in a way that has ended feeling...suffocating. And, I am seeing something of a related pattern in my thinking -- that it feels like a lot is riding on me, what I do, how I respond, how I lead. Yesterday helped me realize again that I am not responsible for all of these outcomes. I have a growing sense that I need to rediscover what it means to cast my cares upon the Lord and to shun my tendency to end up with too much dependence on myself.
