I know this is not the correct version of what is psychologically 'correct', because we all seem to think we need nothing but unconditional love. Any, law, correction, rule or limitation is another word for conditional love. It is interesting to me that very clear passages describing both God's conditional love and also God's unconditional love are found in the same Scriptures, like Deuteronomy and John's Gospel. The only real biblical promise is that Unconditional love will have the last word!
The most effective organizations, I am told, have both a 'good boss' and a 'bad boss', who work closely together. One holds us strongly while the other speaks hard truth to us and sets clear goals and limits for us. Our naive sense of entitlement and overreaction against all limits to our freedom are not serving us well as parents and marriage partners, not to speak of our needs skills as employees, students, conversationalists, team players, or citizens. It takes the pain of others to produce a humane and just civilization, it seems.
It seems we need a foil, a goad, a wall to butt up against to create a proper ego structure and a strong identity. Such a foil is the way we internalize our own deeper values, educate our feeling function, and dethrone our narcissism. Butting up against limits actually teaches us an awful lot. "I would not have know the meaning of covetousness, if the law had not said, 'You shall not covet'," says St. Paul.
-- Richard Rohr, Falling Upward
