One, despite my attempts to suppress the notion, I have some awareness that there is an emerging level of anxiety within me. I feel this mostly at the sub-conscious level; perhaps, because this is something I don't typically want to feel. Partly as a result of 2019, I have a growing sense of more unknown ahead of me, at a variety of levels and on a number of fronts. Several of these involve territory where I don't have direct personal experience. Anxiety may be too strong a descriptor, but I do have a sense of more new things on the way....
Two, I also have a sense of hopeful anticipation—not unlike that which can come from a big trip somewhere I haven't traveled before. But, I also know what these kinds of experiences often produce. Even if they can be somewhat unnerving, at this point in my life, I am so grateful for what they bring to me. Or, where they bring me to.
I feel more aware of this spiritually, but also physically. And, I sense a new season emotionally.
All of this will likely necessitate kinds of practice that I am not used to; kinds that I will need to depend on to do this in a healthy way. I'm curious what getting used to these new ways of being will look like.
Because of this dialectic, I am excited about the opportunities a new year will afford. I am praying that God will surprise me with a kind of vision that I have not yet been able to imagine and a level of dependence I have not known before. Above all else, whatever comes, I hope to continue to become more aware, more open, and more present to all that is around me and that somehow this will translate to something meaningful and helpful to others.
This thought keeps running through my spirit:
Goodness just cannot be stopped.Which pieces of all of this fit together in 2020? We'll see!
