I desire to please the Lord.
When I was younger, I spent more time consciously trying to do this...think of how I could please the Lord. As I have grown older, I have realized that my capacity to displease Him is so much greater than my capacity to please to Him. My demand for things 'to work' and my petulance of self-protection are so near the surface of my being, that I am amazed at how un-far I have come. When I compare (an unhelpful thing to do, by the way) these incapable-of-overcomings against the suffering that the saints I read about have endured, I shrink back from even the possibility of pleasing the Lord.
I suppose I have stopped trying (at least in the same ways)...to please Him. Why, though, do I want to? If I'm honest, I think there is a deeper motive. The deeper motive of me, even in my trying to please Him, is a desire to just be found in Him. The scarcity of my ability to please Him leaves me with a daunting question; will I be found in Him at all?
Will I?
It depends. It depends on whom I trust. Me, or Him? ...because it is right at this moment that I have either forgotten the heart of the gospel or am ready to re-discover it and receive it again.
I discover again this reminder; that my being found in Him, or pleasing Him, is not based on much of anything that has to do with me. For, it is Christ, in His great mercy, who has re-birthed me to a new and living hope...not because of any capacity I have to please Him. I disgard mercy, when I don't see myself as Barabbas. But, He was merciful to me before I even had a notion of pleasing Him. He was merciful to me, while I was still hating Him, while still being lost in the pursuit of my own things.
This is why we come to the Lord's Table, why we come to Easter year after year. To remember how things really worked; how they continue to work. That it was and is His mercy that sets us free...not our striving. We come to this table to see again the simplicity of we need to remain alive and to be found in Him.
I do desire to please the Lord. But, not so that I can be found in Him. He already took care of that...before I was even interested. May all the earth rejoice at the hope we do have because of the mercy of our Great Lord.
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