Experience has taught me that the Shepherd is far more willing to show his sheep the path than the sheep are to follow. He is endlessly merciful, patient, tender, and loving.
-- Elisabeth Elliot
Do you ever catch yourself censoring your prayers? Why would you do that, you might say? Among other things, is something at work to cut our prayers short? It seems to me that a big part of following God is praying (breathing with God).
I was out today and found myself praying. Praying that God would free me from some things, but as I came closer to the specific words of my request I noticed myself start to censor my prayer. Do I really want to say that? If I do ask for something, He just may give it to me. Be a little careful how you phrase that, I thought. And, then, I realized why I was doing this; that I was really trying to avoid something. And, that something was the possibility of pain. You see, I know that if I ask God something like 'teach me to love like you do'...this may very well be granted and the granting may be very painful, like it was (is?) for Him. 'Help me not to...' ...and, He may just answer that by exposing something (painfully) in my life. So, without even realizing it, I was censoring my own prayers to God.
Acknowledging this, however, lead me somewhere I might otherwise have not gone. It lead me to consider the notion that it may actually be good for me to experience a helpful pain. Like having a needed surgery, the short-term pain may in fact become an integral part of a needed healing of something. Pain isn't always simply to be avoided. I have to remind myself of this. It can be a good thing that truly frees me toward the things I more genuinely want and ask God for. And, do I really want to be in the business of negotiating for goodness from God, particularly as I tend to define goodness in any given moment? Half the time, I don't really even know what is truly good for me, what I really need.
So my censoring effort, if successful, would have kept me from discovering this idea. I would have stopped by prayer short. In other words, if I had managed my prayer, I may not have realized what I was really doing and forfeited my deepening requests of God for His goodness - as He defines it - however He may choose to grant them.
And He is, afterall, endlessly merciful, patient, tender, and loving.
