So, I was running with my dog the other day and he saw a squirrel in the woods to his left. He started straining to his left, pulling me in that direction. I remember thinking, 'Probably a squirrel...he always does that'. Then he pulled harder and my next thought was something like, 'C'mon we're running, Murphy! We don't chase every living thing...we're running!'
Of course, such sentences, when built with actual words tend to linger for a while in my mind. What he didn't realize was the three squirrels that were on his right, almost right beside the road. He saw the squirrel on his left and that was all he saw from that point on. And then, there was me, somewhat ungraciously guiding his leash. ...thinking how not unlike my dog, I am at times when I see something that looks good to me. Almost instinctually, I just respond to 'it', no longer realizing much of what else is going on or who else is guiding what I am about that day.
I wonder sometimes what goes on in Murphy's head, if anything at all. He is such a creature of habit, of instinct, of simple design and being. He remembers patterns to things, but (or so it seems to me) completely forgets other things. Like, he will angle in a certain direction as we run together, based on where we have run before. He will (incessantly) groan and walk back-and-forth with something in his mouth when he is excited about something familiar about to happen to him (like going on a run together). And, he will forget all about it, if I yell at him for some irritating habit of his, just going right back to it, even seconds later. Yes, and he rolls in poop whenever he can get away with it. No matter what I do to 'discourage' that behavior, he just does it again the next time, with no hesitation whatsoever. I've concluded that one is 'built-in' to his dog-ness.
And so, I've wondered about my dog-ness (or, human-ness), how different I am at times in what I instinctively respond to, what I go for, what I naturally think about or do (ok, and yes, what I 'roll in'). I suspect we are all significantly creatures of habit. Just try to take the ones we've developed away from us. We get kinda grouchy. And, the older the we get, the more committed we seem to become to 'our ways' of doing things. At one level, I'm thinking that must look a lot like my dog did when we were running.
So, I wonder how God actually views this kind of thing...how He views me. I picture Him sometimes using His 'guiding leash' with me, not too unlike I do with Murphy. In spite of all the squirrels he can't go for, Murphy 'loves' to go running with me. And, in some strange and similar way, I love to go running with my God. Or, more simply, to be with Him in some way, that is often difficult to describe. I'm glad He let's me chase my squirrels, that He still takes me running in life, that He guides me where I really need to be going.
And, yes, for the benevolence in His leash. I didn't used to see it that way -- benevolent. But as I've plumbed a few of the depths of where my independence gets me, I have realized that there is something wonderful and by design in acknowledging my limitations and my need for His guidance. This probably isn't a fashionable notion for many, but typically the young reacting to it have to grow up (and get knocked around) a bit more and the old doing the same should acknowledge some of the bitterness they're left with...by going it alone. I'm not 'there' completely yet (squirrels still interest me, too, and yes, I resent leashes from time to time), but I'm more and more looking forward to the 'rest' at the end of the 'run'.
