More often than not, but not every time, I wake up with a fairly clear list of the ‘get tos’ I want for the ensuing day. Things to think about, things or people to pursue, thoughts to jot down, things to get done – things I just want or need to ‘get to’. More often than not, by the end of the day, something has mashed most of those things together into some kind of mush that makes it very difficult to return to any constructive activity related to my original morning plans. At best only one thing still has a shape…and even then it is difficult to apply the kind of energy that is needed to do much about it. Perhaps this is just plain ole tiredness. I don’t like to admit that, but it could be true. It feels to me though that it is a little more about something else…like an exhaustion result of so much stuff that has just run through my mind and body for the waking hours since sleep last jiggled things back into a recognizable shape and form.
Last night, for example, I just could not get to anything other than physical movement. I was aware of wanting many things, wanting to get to many things, but even my attempts more often than not left me staring for minutes on end. This morning, however, few things look like last evening’s mashed potatoes. And, like the freshness of the morning’s sun on our new fallen snow, I feel ready to go.
I do catch a whiff of last night’s starch though, and one morsel of truth lingers. That there is an energy that is self-perpetuating about the activity and fill of life…and when that subsides, we must not try to jolt it back into gear. There is something very valuable about waiting in an open space in our lives…something important about feeling emptiness. It is as real and important as the constantness of being full.
I wanted to find a jolt last night and abiding with all of my ‘options’ was a pervading sense that I need to remain…empty. Such remaining allows something else to happen, other things to be detected that are often overwhelmed by our busyness, an acknowledgement of a dependence we so unconsciously avoid. Emptiness is a good thing, a very good thing. And, all the versions of 5-hour energy drinks that we now have in our society, should really be avoided.
There is a time for everything…and this is the time to be empty, to be alone, to feel ache in it.
